Headhunters
by Spring Pines
Summary: Grunkle Stan learns his wax sculpture of Abraham Lincoln has melted, and Mabel makes a wax sculpture of Grunkle Stan to replace it. Next day, they discover someone has stolen the new sculpture's head. Dipper and Mabel set out to find out who did this crime.


Police Man on the TV: I'm afraid your services won't be required here, sir. My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an accident.  
Duck-tective: (Starts quacking, the subtitles read:) Accident, constable? Or is it...Murder?!  
Police Man: What?!  
TV announcer: Duck-tective will return after these messages.  
Mabel: (drops her sweater and gasps) That duck is a genius!  
Dipper: Eh, it's easier to find clues when you're that close to the ground.  
Mabel: Are you saying you could outwit Duck-tective?  
Dipper: Mabel, I have very keen powers of observation. For example, just by smelling your breath, I can tell that you have been eating (sniff sniff) ...an entire tube of toothpaste?!  
Mabel: (her mouth covered in sparkling toothpaste) It was so sparkly...  
(Soos comes into the room)  
Soos: Hey, dudes, you'll never guess what I found!  
Dipper: Buried treasure!  
Mabel: Buried- (laughs and pushes Dipper playfully) Hey, I was gonna say that!  
*Soos,Dipper and Mabel walk to a door*  
Soos: So I was cleaning up, when I found this secret door, hidden behind the wallpaper. It's crazy bonkers creepy!  
*Soos opens the door, and the secret room is filled with several different wax sculptures.*  
Dipper: Whoa! It's a secret wax museum!  
Mabel: They're so lifelike.  
Dipper: (points to Grunkle Stan) Except for that one.  
Grunkle Stan: Hello!  
Dipper, Mabel and Soos: (screams in surprise)  
Stan: (chuckles) It's just me, your Grunkle Stan!  
Dipper, Mabel and Soos: (screams even louder in fright and run away)  
(Cut to theme song.)  
Stan: Behold the Gravity Falls Wax Museum! It was one of our most popular attractions... before I forgot all about it. I got 'em all! Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes, (looks at a wax sculpture Larry King) some kind of, I don't know, goblin man?  
Dipper: (shivers) Is anyone else getting the creeps here?  
Stan: And now for my personal favorite: Wax Abraham Lincoln, right over- (looks at the melted glob of wax on the floor, which is under sunlight from the window above it) Oh! Oh no! Come on, who left the blinds open? Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm looking in your direction! (bends down, puts finger in wax sadly, sighs) How do you fix a wax figure?  
Mabel: Cheer up, Grunkle Stan. Where's that smile?  
Stan: Egh.  
Mabel: Beep, bop, boop! (Cheerfully pokes Stan in the face)  
Stan: Ow.  
Mabel: Don't worry, Grunkle Stan. I'll make you a new wax figure from all this old wax!  
Stan: You really think you can make one of these puppies?  
Mabel: Grunkle Stan, I'm an arts and crafts master. Why do you think I always have this glue gun stuck to my arm?(tries to remove the glue gun from her arm) Eugh, Eugh!  
Stan: I like your gumption, kid!  
Mabel: I don't know what that word means, but thank you!  
(Cuts to Dipper drinking soda pop and walking towards Mabel, who is planning on what wax sculpture she should make.)  
Mabel: Dipper!  
Dipper: (Starts choking on the soda he was drinking)  
Mabel: What do you think of my wax figure idea? (shows Dipper a drawing that she sketched in her sketch-book) She's part fairy princess, and part horse fairy princess!  
Dipper: Maybe you should carve something from real life.  
Mabel: (shows Dipper another sketch that she created) Like a waffle, with big arms!  
Dipper: Y-okay... Or, you know, something else. Like- like someone in your family.  
Stan: Kids, have you seen my pants? (poses on a briefcase)  
Mabel: Oh, Muse. You work in mysterious ways.  
Stan: Why's your sister talking to the ceiling?  
(Cuts to a montage of Mabel busily working on Wax Grunkle Stan.)  
Mabel: (moves back to admire her work) I think...it needs more glitter.  
Soos: Agreed. (hands Mabel a bucket of glitter, who throws the glitter all over Wax Stan)  
Stan: (walks in with his pants on but not his shoes) I found my pants but now I'm missing my- (Notices Wax Stan) Ahhh! (falls over)  
Mabel: What do you think?  
Stan: I think...the Wax Museum's back in business!  
(Cut to Soos leading people to see the grand opening of the Wax Museum. Dipper is working in the stand with Wendy)  
Dipper: I can't believe this many people showed up.  
Wendy: I know, right? Your uncle probably bribed them or something.  
Dipper: He bribed me. (Holds up bill)  
(Wendy does the same and the two chuckle.)  
Stan: (clears throat over the microphone) You all know me, folks! Town darling, "Mr. Mystery." Please, ladies, control yourselves!  
(Cut to three women in the audience staring blankly ahead, flies swarming around them.)  
Stan: As you know, I always bring the people of this fair town novelties and befuddlements, the likes of which the world, has never known. But enough about me. Behold... me! (uncovers Wax Stan)  
(Soos makes a fanfare sound in his keyboard, then makes a "Ye-ah! Ye-ye-ye-ye-ye-ah!" sound.)  
(Two people in the audience politely clap and someone coughs.)  
Stan: And now a word from our own Mabelangelo!  
Mabel: It's Mabel. (Takes the microphone) Thank you for coming! I made this sculpture with my own two hands! It's covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids!  
Audience: Ugh! Ewwww!  
Mabel: (chuckles) Yeah. I will now take questions! (Points to McGucket) You there!  
Old Man McGucket: Old Man McGucket, local kook. Are the wax figures alive? And, follow-up question, can I survive the wax man uprising?  
Mabel: Um...Yes! Next question! (points to news reporter)  
Toby Determined:Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper. Do you really think this constitutes a wonder of the world?  
Stan: Your microphone's a turkey baster, Toby.  
Toby Determined: It certainly is...  
Stan: Next question. (points to another reporter)  
Shandra Jimenez: Shandra Jimenez, a real reporter. Your flyers promised free pizza with admission to this event. Is this true?  
Audience: That's what I heard! Come on! What a rip-off! Pizza? I want my pizza!  
Stan: That was a typo. Good night, everyone! (Uses a smoke bomb to escape, taking the admission fee with him)  
Audience: (A guy with a pizza shirt sighs sadly and heads off while the rest of the audience goes chaotic and angrily walks away)  
Manly Dan: (furiously punches a pole) IN YOUR FACE!  
Mabel: I think that went well.  
(Cuts to the Mystery Shack, where Stan is counting the money he got)  
Stan: Hot pumpkin pie! Look at all this cash! And I owe it all to one person, this guy! (Points to Wax Stan)  
Mabel: (Jokingly nudges Stan, expecting him to mention her)  
Stan: Ooh! Yeah, you too, ya little gremlin. Now you kids wash up. We got another long day of fleecing rubes tomorrow. Go, go! (sighs) Kids.  
(Grunkle Stan is watching Duck-tective)  
Poilce Man on the TV: Well, duck-tective, it seems you've really quacked the case.  
Duck detective: (Starts quacking, subtitles read:) Don't patronize me.  
Stan: (laughing) Stupid duck! Well, I'm gonna use the jon. You need anything? (Wax Stan doesn't say anything. Stan chuckles) I love this guy! Don't you go nowhere.  
(Cuts to Dipper and Mabel brushing their teeth)  
Mabel: Dipper, you wanna do a toothbrush race?  
Dipper: Okay.  
Stan: (starts screaming from downstairs, offscreen) No...No...Noooooo!  
(Dipper and Mabel look at each other and go downstairs)  
Stan: Wax Stan! He's been... m-murdered! (clock bongs)  
Mabel: (Mabel faints)  
Stan: (explaining to the police officers) I got up to use the jon, right? And when I come back, blammo! He's headless!  
Mabel: My expert handcrafting besmirched. Besmirched!  
Dipper: Who would do something like this?  
Deputy Durland" What's your opinion, Sheriff Blubs?  
Sheriff Blubs: Look, we'd love to help you folks, but let's face the facts... this case is unsolvable.  
Dipper, Mabel and Stan: What?!  
Stan: You take that back, Sheriff Blubs!  
Dipper: You're kidding, right? There must be evidence, motives. You know, I could help if you want.  
Mabel: He's really good. He figured out who was eating our tin cans!  
Dipper: All signs pointed to the goat.  
Stan: Yeah, yeah! Let the boy help. He's got a little brain up in his head.  
Sheriff Blubs: Oooh! Would you look at what we got here! City boy thinks he's gonna solve a mystery with his fancy computer phone!  
Deputy Durland: City boy! City boy!  
Sheriff Blubs: You are adorable!  
Dipper: Adorable?  
(Blubs and Durland start laughing at him)  
Sheriff Blubs: Look, P.J.'s, how about you leave the investigating to the grown-ups, okay?  
Man in Blubs's Walkie Talkie: Attention, all units. Steve is about to fit an entire cantaloupe in his mouth. Repeat, an entire cantaloupe!  
Deputy Durland: It's a 23-16!  
Sheriff Blubs: Let's move!  
Dipper: That's it! Mabel, you and me are going to find the jerk who did this, and get back that head. Then we'll see who's adorable. (sneezes)  
Mabel: Aww, you sneeze like a kitten. (Dipper glares at her)  
(Cuts to Dipper and Mabel studying the crime scene)  
Dipper: Wax Stan has lost his head and its up to us to find it.  
Mabel: (takes pictures)  
Dipper: There were a lot of unhappy customers at the unveiling. The murderer could have been anyone.  
Mabel: Yeah! Even us!  
Dipper: In this town, anything is possible. Ghosts, zombies, it could be months before we find our first clue.  
Mabel: Hey, look! A clue.  
(Cuts to footprints in carpet floor)  
Dipper: Footprints in the shag carpet!  
Mabel: That's weird. They've got a hole in them.  
Dipper: And they're leading to...  
(there's an ax on the floor)  
Dipper and Mabel: (Gasp, then look at each other. Cut to the gift shop with Soos)  
Dipper: So, what do you think?  
Soos: In my opinion, this is an axe.  
Mabel: Wait a minute. The lumberjack!  
Dipper and Mabel: Of course!  
(flashback to Manly Dan punching the pole)  
Manly Dan: IN YOUR FACE!  
(end of flashback)  
Dipper: He was furious when he didn't get that free pizza.  
Mabel: Furious enough, for MURDER!  
Soos: Oh, you mean Manly Dan. Yeah, he hangs out at this crazy intense biker joint downtown.  
Mabel: Then that's where we're going.  
Soos: Dude, this is awesome. You two are like: The Mystery Twins!  
Dipper: Don't call us that.  
(The twins go out of the Mystery Shack, Stan is pulling a coffin out of the car)  
Stan: Hey, give me a hand with this coffin will ya? I'm doin' a moral service for wax Stan. Some small but, classic. (pulls the coffin out of the car)  
Dipper: Sorry Grunkle Stan, but we have got a big break in the case!  
Mabel: Break in the case!  
Dipper: We're heading to the town right now to interrogate the murderer Mabel: We have an axe! (Show Stan the axe in Dipper's bag) Ree, ree, ree!  
Stan: Hm, it seem like the kind of thing that responsible parents wouldn't want you to do. Good thing I'm an uncle. Avenge me kids! Avenge meeee!  
(Cuts to the town, Dipper and Mabel are sneaking near the Skull Fracture.)  
Dipper: This is the place. (Gasp when the guard looks at him) Got the fake IDs? (Mabel gives Dipper 2 two cards, Dipper looks at it) Here goes nothing.  
Guard: (Looks at an ID card) Sorry, but we don't serve miners.  
Miner: Dang'nab it! (spits on the road and walks off when Dipper and Mabel come)  
Mabel: We're here to interrogate Manly Dan the lumber jack for the murder of wax Stan (Both show their fake ID cards) Dedledle-e.  
Guard: Works for me. (He open the door for the twins)  
(Men are fighting inside the Skull Fracture. Dipper and Mabel walk inside and look around.)  
Mabel: (Walk over a body) He's resting.  
Dipper: Alright, let's just try to blend in, ok?  
Mabel: You got it Dippingsauce. (Sits on a chair and talks to a man) Hey there, fellow restaurant patron! Bap!  
Bats Biker: Gggggrrrrrrrr!  
(Manly Dan aris playing arm wrestling with a machine.)  
Dipper: Manly Dan, just the guy I wanted to see. Where were you last night?  
Manly Dan: Punchin' the clock.  
Dipper: You were at work.  
Manly Dan: No, I was punchin' that clock! (Points to a broken clock outside)  
Dipper: 10 o'clock, the time of the murder. So, I guess you never seen this before? (Show Manly Dan the axe in his bag)  
Manly Dan: Listen little girl!  
Dipper: Hey, actually I'm-  
Manly Dan: I wouldn't pick my teeth with that axe. It's left handed! I only use my right hand, the manly hand! Hhnnhgg! (Splits the machine's arm and hits the machine with it)  
Tyler: Get him! Get him! Hehehe.  
Dipper: Left handed?  
Mabel and Biker: 3, 4, 5, 6.  
Mabel: (Gasp) Your wife is gonna be beautiful.  
Biker: Yes!  
Dipper: Mabel, big break in the case!  
(Both run away, outside of Skull Fracture)  
Biker: But will she love me?!  
Dipper: It's a left handed ax. (Dipper shows Mabel a list) These are all our suspects. Manly Dan is right handed, that means all we have to do is find our left handed suspect and we got our killer.  
Mabel: Oh man, we are on fire today! Pazaw, Pazaw, Pazaw!  
Dipper: Let's find that murderer. (they fist bump)  
(The twins start finding the left handed suspect by testing all of their suspects [a montage])  
Dipper: (Gasp) Mabel, there's only one person left on this list.  
Mabel: (Gasp) Of course, it all adds up!  
(The cops and kids go to a house.)  
Sheriff Blubs: You kids better be right about this or you'll never get the end of it.  
Dipper: The evidence is irrefutable.  
Mabel: It's so irrefutable.  
Deputy Durland: I gonna get to use my match stick!  
Sheriff Blubs: You ready? You ready little fella?  
Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland: Hoo, hoo! (Both poke each other with their stick)  
Dipper: On 3! 1, 2, ...  
(Deputy Durland smashes the door open.)  
Deputy Durland: Yaaaahhhh!  
Sheriff Blubs: No body move! This is a raid!  
Toby Determined: Aaaahh! (Falls down) What is this? Some kind of raid?  
Deputy Durland: (Smashes the lamp) Nerd!  
Dipper: Toby Determined, you're under arest for murder of the wax body of Grunkle Stan.  
Mabel: You have the right to remain impressed with our awsome detective work. (Hives five with Dipper)  
Toby Determined: Goblin goose feathers! I don't understand!  
Dipper: Then allow me to explain. You were hoping that Grunkle Stan's new attraction would be the story that saved your failing newspaper. But when the show was a flop, you decided to go out and make your own headline. (Mabel shows him a Gossiper newspaper with picture of wax Stan's head) But you were sloppy, and all the clues pointed to a shabby shoe belong to who has caught left handed.  
Mabel: Toby Determined, you're yesterday news.  
Toby Determined: Boy, you're little knees must be sore from jumping to conclusions. (dances) Hachacha! I had nothing to do with that murder.  
Dipper: I knew it! Wait, what did you say? Nothing? You say nothing?  
Mabel: Could you repeat?  
Sheriff Blubs: Then where were you at the night of the break-in?  
(Toby Determined shows them a video that he was in his office making out with a cardboard version of Shandra Jimenez.)  
Toby Determined: (Open a closet and take a piece of cardboard outside) Finally, we can be alone cardboard cutout of news reporter Shandra Jimenez. (kisses the piece of cardboard)  
Cops and kids: Eeeewwww! Yuck!  
Sheriff Blubs: Time state confirms. Toby, you're off the hook. You freak of nature.  
Toby Determined: Hooray!  
Dipper: But, but it has to be him! Check the axe for fingerprints!  
Sheriff Blubs: (Checks for finger print on the ax) No prints at all.  
Dipper: No prints?  
Deputy Durland: Hey I got a headline for you: city kids wasted every one's time.  
Adults: (Chuckles)  
*Dipper and Mabel are embarrassed.*  
Toby Determined: Boy, I'd be pretty embarrassed if I were you two. (Toby in the video continue kissing the piece of cardboard)  
(Cuts to wax Stan's funeral).  
Stan: Kids, Soos, lifeless wax figures, thank you all for coming.  
(Soos is crying)  
Stan: Some people might say it's wrong for a man to love a wax replica of himself.  
Soos: (shout) They're wrong!  
Stan: Easy Soos. Wax Stan, I hope you a pickpocket in the wax heaven. I'm sorry, I got glitter in my eye! (cries and runs away)  
(Soos cries and run away with Stan)  
Dipper: (Sigh) Those cops are right about me.  
Mabel: Dipper, we've come so far, we can't give up now.  
Dipper: (Stands up and walk to the coffin) But I considered every thing: the weapon, the motive, the clues (look inside the coffin, sigh) Wax Stan shoe has a hole in it?  
Mabel: All the wax guys have that. So where the pole thingy attaches to their stand dealy.  
Dipper: Wait a minute, what has a hole on its shoe and no fingerprints? Mabel! The murderers are-  
Wax Sherlock Holmes: Standing right behind you.  
(All the wax figures come to life)  
Dipper: (Gasp) Wax Sherlock Holmes! Wax Shakespeare! Wax Coolio?  
Wax Coolio: S'up Holmes?  
(Wax Lizzie Borden takes her axe from Mabel)  
Mabel: Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!  
Wax Sherlock Holmes: Congratulations, my two amateur students, you have buried the truth, and now we're going to bury you.  
(Commercial break) (All the wax figures walk to the twins)  
Wax Sherlock Holmes: Bravo, Dipper Pines. You've discovered our little secret. (takes wax Stan's head in his cape) Applaud, everyone, applaud sarcastically. (Wax Robin Hood, Shakespeare and Genghis Khan applaud happily) Uh, no that's sounds too sincere. Slow clap. (Wax Robin Hood, Shakespeare and Genghis Khan slowly clap) There we go, nice and condescending.  
Dipper: But... how is this possible? You're made of wax!  
Mabel: Are you... magic?  
Wax Sherlock Holmes: (laughs) Are we magic? She wants to know if we're magic! (stops laughing) We're CURSED!  
Wax Figurines: Cursed! Cursed!  
Wax Sherlock Holmes: Cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing. Your uncle bought us many years ago at a garage sale.  
Wax Coolio: A haunted garage sale, son!  
(flashback to the haunted garage sale many years ago)  
Seller: I must warn you, these statues come at a terrible price.  
Stan: Twenty dollars?! I'll just take 'em when you're not lookin'.  
Seller: What?  
Stan: I said I was gonna rob ya.  
Wax Sherlock Holmes: (voiceover) And so, the Mystery Shack Wax Collection was born. By day, we would be the playthings of man.  
Wax Coolio" (voiceover) But when your uncle went to sleep, we would rule the night.  
Wax Coolio: Hey, I told you to stop that.  
Wax Larry King: Make me.  
Stan: (snores)  
Wax Sherlock Holmes and Edger Allen Poe: (laughing, snap photo)  
Stan: What the -  
Wax Sherlock Holmes and Edger Allen Poe: Huh? (gasp) Oh! (freeze)  
Stan: (snores)  
Wax Sherlock Holmes: (voiceover) It was a charmed life for us cursed being...  
(Stan is shown shaking the empty admission box and putting the wax figures in storage)  
Wax Sherlock Holmes: (voiceover) That is, until your uncle closed up shop.  
(The storage room is seen wearing out as time goes by, leaving the door blocked by wallpaper. Soos later comes by sweeping the floor and finds the knob to the storage room. He puts the knob back in its place, dissolve to the Mystery Shack)  
Wax Sherlock Holmes: (voiceover) We've been waiting ten years to get our revenge on Stan for locking us away...  
(Wax Sherlock Holmes swipes Wax Stan's head off with an ax)  
Wax Sherlock Holmes: (voiceover) But we got the wrong guy.  
(Stan grumbles and spits as he begins to enter and Wax Sherlock Holms slips out; the flashback ends)  
Dipper: So, you're trying to murder Grunkle Stan for real?!  
Mabel: You were right all along, Dipper! Wax people are creepy!  
Wax Sherlock Holmes: Enough! Now that you know our secret, you must... DIE.  
(The wax figures growl and their eyes roll back in their head)  
(The wax figures begin cornering the twins)  
Mabel: What do we do, what do we do?  
Dipper: I don't know!  
(The twins begin throwing food, plates etc. off a table behind them. Soon, Dipper grabs a pot of coffee and throws it at Wax Genghis Khan, and his face begins to melt)  
Wax Genghis Khan: Aaah!  
Mabel: That's it! We can melt them with hotty melty things! (The two grab decorative candles from the table and point them at the figures)  
Dipper: Anyone move and we'll melt you into candles!  
Mabel: Decoritive candles!  
Wax Sherlock Holmes: You really think you can defeat us?  
Dipper: I-I don't really know. I'm not-I'm not really sure.  
Mabel: It's worth a shot I guess.  
Wax Sherlock Holmes: So be it...ATTACK!  
(The figures begin closing in on the twins. Wax Lizzie Borden swings her ax at Mabel, but accidently decapitates Wax Robin Hood. Mabel walks around her, but Wax William Shakespeare sneaks behind her. Mabel cute off his hands with the candles, and it runs away. Wax Shakespeare's hands still move, and begin choking Mabel. Mabel walks over to a door, a repeatably smashes it on it's fingers)  
Dipper: Interview this Larry King! (Decapitates Wax Larry King with the candle)  
Wax Larry King: My neck! My beautiful neck!  
Wax Groucho Marx: (Touches the candle and his its hand begins to melt) Eh!  
Dipper: Jokes on you, Groucho! (Cuts Groucho in half using the candle)  
Wax Groucho Marx: I've heard about a cutting remark but this is ridiculous! Hey why is there nothing in my hand?  
(Wax Genghis Khan runs up to Dipper, but he jumps out of the way, and Wax Genghis lands inside the fireplace)  
Dipper: Ha, Genghis Khan! You fell harder than the-uh-I don't know, uh, Qin Dynasty? Heh. Yeah. Alright. (Gets up and runs back into the fight)  
Mabel: (Swings around Wax Coolio's head while getting overwhelmed by Wax figured)  
(Mabel smacks the Wax Figures with Coolio's head and they all fall to the ground)  
Wax Coolio: Ow ow ow ow! What's up with that?  
Mabel: Dipper! Watch out!  
Dipper: (Cuts Wax Richard Nixon's leg, and sees Wax Sherlock Holmes approach him)  
Wax Sherlock: Alright. Let's get this taken care of. (Put's Wax Stan's head on the horn of a Rhino on the wall, and grabs a sword hanging on the wall. He then swings it at Dipper, smacking the candle out of his hand, and breaking it. He swings the sword above his head, and aims it at Dipper)  
Mabel: Catch! (Throws a poker to him)  
(Wax Sherlock brings the sword on Dipper, but he blocks the attack with the poker. Wax Sherlock keeps attacking, while Dipper blocks and is pushed back. Dipper is pushed back into the Attic Floor, and is cornered by Wax Sherlock against the wall)  
Wax Sherlock: Once your family is out of the way, we'll rule the night once again! (Raises the sword above his head)  
Dipper: (Looks at the window, and, just when Sherlock brings the sword down, jumps through his legs and out the window) Don't count on it!  
Wax Sherlock: Come back here you brat!  
(Dipper climbs onto the Mystery Shack sign and Wax Sherlock follows him. Dipper slowly walks across it, while Wax Sherlock swings the sword at him. They clash between poker and sword while trying to maintain balance. Wax Sherlock tries to hit Dipper with it's sword, but Dipper jumps back, and the "S" in "Shack" falls off.)  
Wax Sherlock: You really think you can outwit me boy? I'm Sherlock bleeding Holmes! Have you seen my magnifying glass?! It's enormous!  
Dipper: (Drops the poker and begins to climbs off the sign, and behind it. He hides behind the chimney and looks out to see is Wax Sherlock is there. Wax Sherlock then kicks him in the stomach and Dipper loses his footing)  
Wax Sherlock: (Raises sword) Any last words?  
Dipper: Um... you got any sunscreen?  
Wax Sherlock: Got any-? What? (Turns and sees the sun starting to rise. He gasps.) No. (Begins to melt)  
Dipper: You know, letting me lead you outside? Probably not you sharpest decision.  
Wax Sherlock: (Continues to melt) Outsmarted by a child in short pants! No! (Starts melting faster) Fiddlesticks! Humbugs! Tiiter, total kerfuffle. Butter hallabaloo. (Everything but the face melts)  
Dipper: Case closed! (Wipes hands together and the dust makes him sneeze)  
Wax Sherlock: Ha ha ha! You sneeze like a kitten! Those policemen were right, you're adorable! Adorable! (Falls off the roof and the head splashes)  
Dipper: E-ew.  
(Cuts to Mabel throwing the remaining parts of the wax figures into the fireplace. Wax William Shakespeare's head is the only noticeable wax figure left)  
Wax Shakespeare: Though our group be left in twain, man of wax shall rise again!  
Mabel: Y'know any limericks?  
Wax Shakespeare: Uh...there once was a dude from Kentucky-  
Mabel: Nope! (Throws his head in the fire)  
Dipper: (Comes to the room Mabel is)  
Mabel: Dipper! You're okay! You solved the mystery after all.  
Dipper: (Pulls up a chair and takes Wax Stan's head off the wall) I couldn't have done it without my sidekick.  
Mabel: No offense Dipper, but you're the sidekick.  
Dipper: What? Says who? Have people been saying that? Have you heard that?  
Stan: (Walks in) Hot Belgium waffles! What happened to my parler!?  
Mabel: Your wax figures turned out to be evil, so we fought them to the death!  
Dipper: I decapitated Larry King.  
Stan: Ha ha! You kids and your imaginations!  
Dipper: On the bright side, though, look what we found. (Hands Stan Wax Stan's head)  
Stan: My head! Ha ha! I missed this guy! You done good kids! Alright, line up for some affectionate noogie-ing.  
Dipper: Oh I'm not so sure about that. Is there any other alternative...?  
Mabel: Oh uh...I'm not so sure...  
Stan: Ha ha! (Noogies Dipper and Mabel)  
Mabel and Dipper: Ha ha ha!  
Deputy Durland and Sheriff Blubs: (Drive up to the window)  
Sheriff Blubs: Solved the case yet, boy? I'm so confident you're gonna say no, that I'm gonna take a long slow sip from my cup of coffee. (Takes a long slow sip)  
Dipper: Actually, the answer is yes.  
Sheriff Blubs: Blu blu blu, (Spits coffee in Durland's face)  
Deputy Durland: Aaah! (Spits coffee in Blubs' face)  
Sheriff Blubs: Aaah! (Spits coffee in Durland's face)  
Deputy Durland: Aaah! (Spits coffee in Blubs' face)  
Sheriff Blubs: It burns! It burns!  
Deputy Durland: My eyes!  
(They drive away, screaming)  
Stan, Dipper, and Mabel: (Laugh)  
Stan: They got scalded!  
(A crash is heard)  
Dipper: So, did you get rid of all the Wax Figures?  
Mabel: I am ninety-nine percent sure that I did!  
Dipper: Good enough for me!  
(The camera moves over to a vent and we see Wax Larry King's head)  
Wax Larry King's head: Ha ha ha ha- huh?  
(A rat walks up to him)  
Wax Larry King: So you're a rat. Tell me about that.  
Rat: (Rips off his ear and runs off)  
Wax Larry King: Hey get back here! (Hops after him) I'm hopping! I'm hopping after a rat that stole my ear!  
(Cut to credits)  
Mabel: (In panel above credits)Hmm. Hey Dipper, which do you think is better? Sequins or llama hair?  
Wax Larry King: (Hops to the vent next to her) The llama hair. Llamas are nature's greatest warriors. (Hops off)  
Mabel: Thanks Dipper!  
Dipper: (Stops reading and looks around) 


End file.
